What do you want your child to do when they grow up?

Beat people up and bloody them?

or

Engage in sexual activities with someone they love?

Yeah, I thought so.

So, why, America are you so totally freaked out that a child might catch a glimpse of a breast or (gasp!) a penis? Why is it completely unacceptable to reveal adults engaged in a sexual situation in a movie or on television? But - it is perfectly ok to watch bodies be torn apart by gunfire, tortured, beaten, and generally bloodied during even daytime television?

Seriously.

I want my children to grow up (some time in the way distant future) and (in the confines of a monogamous relationship) have sex with wild abandon. This is normal stuff that humans do. People have private parts, people engage in erotic and sexual behavior - they are supposed to. Need I remind anyone that this is how we got here?

I never want my child to bloody anyone, shoot anyone, beat anyone, or engage in violent or bullying behavior.

So, shouldn't what I allow them to observe (on television, the internet, and in movies) track what I think is appropriate behavior? My eight-year-old isn't ready to watch hardcore porn or anything, but I'd far prefer he see naked people engaging in something mildly erotic than see mild violence. Besides, long-term exposure to these images is known to decrease sensitivity to witnessing real violence. I don't think it's healthy to be desensitized to other peoples' pain.

Any thoughts?

Bad Mom. No daycare.

During this fall's soccer season, T has loved going to his brother B's games and practices. He loves playing in the grass and rolling around, roughhousing with the other little ones, and playing at the playground by himself like a big boy.

This has also been a pretty severe chigger year.

So, it came as only a small surprise when I got a call from the daycare last week.

"There is no emergency, but you need to come pick up T as soon as possible. He'll need to see a doctor this afternoon."

"Why?" I asked, already kind of knowing the answer.

"He has CHICKEN POX. They're terribly contagious you know."

"No," I said, "he doesn't. He has chiggers."

"They are all over over, he has spots all over his abdomen and back, they are all oozing and I'm afraid its chicken pox. You really need to come get him."

This isn't even the first time they've called me for a "chicken pox" case in one of my kids - my kids play outside a lot. No, it isn't chicken pox (he's even been vaccinated). Yes, they are gnarly - because he won't leave them alone.

I'm almost embarassed.

More from the "boy who can't be wrong"

B made a million bucks yesterday.

Actually, someone gave it to him. Really, it was a "one-million-dollar-bill". He was pretty stoked about it and was telling me how rich he is.

I let him in on a little secret. "They don't make million dollar bills... it isn't real".

To which he (of course) replied, "Yes, it is too".

I tried to (gently) explain that, while I'd be thrilled if he were truly a millionaire, they really don't make one million dollar bills.

The "boy who is never wrong" told me that his friend's mother told him it is real.

Again, I pointed out that, while she may have a sense of humor, she was not being completely honest with him.

Then, he told me that she knows it's for real, and she is way smarter than I am.

Um, ok, lots of people are way smarter than me. Why do you think that this particular lady is way smarter than me.

"Well, she's older than you - she is FIFTY".

Ok, she's older. How do you know she's smarter?

"She is done with college and has a job counting money".

I said, "I'm done with college too".

He insisted, "No, she is DONE with college, you still go to college every day."

"Well, yes, I do, because I teach college."

"See, she is totally smarter - she is finished with college and you still go there every day."

I think maybe I'll send him to the bank with his father.

No, mom, you are SO wrong.

Have you ever met anyone that refuses to be wrong?

I don't mean that they aren't ever wrong... I mean that they refuse to believe that anything they say could ever be in error, even if that error is slapping them in the forehead?

"Mom, you're going the wrong way". This is middle son, B.

"No - this is the way to Target". I respond.

"No it isn't." He repeated at ever-increasing volume until I turned into the parking lot of Target.

"See, here's Target". I chirped from the front seat.

"Can I have some gum"? He changes the subject.

Then, he was invited to a birthday party. At a karate place. At the Kroger lot.

"Where's the party?"

"At the karate place".

"You're going the wrong way".

"No, the karate place at Kroger".

"There is NO karate place at Kroger". He insisted at ever-increasing volume all the way to the Karate place over Kroger, at which he said:

"This didn't USED to be here."

Yes, dear, since before you were born... I thought, shaking my head.

Skip forward to my (first) repeat visit putting them to bed tonight.

"Go to bed".

"Mom, did you know that bats are blind?"

"No, they're not, they can see".

"No, in a book today at school I learned they're blind".

"No, they're not, but some people have thought they are".

"They're blind". (repeat a few times).

Finally, I shoot back, in frustration "Who do you believe? A PhD in biology or someone that writes books for first graders?" (How petty can I get, do you suppose?)

Z, my oldest son, says, "I believe the PhD." Then, he looks at my B, who was shaking his head and about to blurt out another "THEY'RE BLIND" statement and Z says...

"Yeah, right and there's no karate place at Kroger either".

More homework?

I am ok with my preschooler coming home with directives to explore this or that. He feels "like a big guy" when he has homework.

But - for the love of Pete - two weeks in a row we've gotten a collage assignment with only one night to complete it. On a soccer night, of course.

I am buried with the moaning, crying, and anger over my two big kids homework (and that's just me, they cry too). Give us some flexibility for homework with our four-year-old, please?

Welcome to my neglected home.

If you are coming over from stophomework.com, welcome to my often-neglected home.

If you are here as a regular visitor - you can see me rant over at stophomework.com today on Obama's initiative to increase the duration of both school years and days. Because, if something isn't working - what you need is MORE OF IT.

Eesh.

Modern Paranoia

I have been officially scolded by my kids' schoolbus driver.

First, the school has an official policy that no child may get off the bus without an adult waiting for them. I don't really agree with this policy.

As an aside, walking and biking to school is forbidden (it is on a very busy road, but really?). The pick-up lines can take 20 minutes or more.

I was a latch-key kid from fourth grade up. Many kids in that day were. This does require parents to be sensitive to their kids' maturity. It also requires some lessons in common sense (how to answer the phone, whether to answer the door, not to use appliances, etc.). I felt grown-up and empowered. I'd fix myself a salad (yes, a salad) then read, play or (sometimes) watch tv until mom got home two hours later. I bear no scars. Many of my friends did the same thing, and (more or less) did fine. Some watched more tv than others and some ate more junk food than others (they can only eat what is at the house, by the way).

This is not a message only to gripe about the school eliminating elementary latch-key kids, though. There is a more Draconian policy.

The pressing policy here is that the bus driver will only let the kids off the bus for someone they know. What does that even mean? She let them off for my husband because the kids said he was their dad and likewise for my father.

I use a variety of different college kids college kids for after-care. The college kids do a great job (usually), I have a steady supply (I do not use current students, but have many former students on campus), and they can usually find their own replacements for the inevitable sick day or college obligation. I (usually) know in advance and can send a note to the driver for this inane policy.

If I forget to leave a note (or don't know in time to do so)... the driver objects. That said, she has, sometimes, let the kids off for unexepected babysitters (to whom she delivers scathing rebukes).

But, she absolutely refused to let them off the bus for a male student. She returned the kids to the school and the school called me. I had to reassure the lady in the office that, indeed, I did hire a male babysitter and he would be perfectly fine to send the kids with. Then, he had to pick them up at the school. As an aside, he did not have a booster seat so, technically, he broke the law at that time by driving the kids the 1.5 miles to our house. That would have, of course, been unecessary if the driver had just let the kids off the bus.

How does the school imagine that the usual sitter was absent and another young (male) college kid was standing in? What are the options?

• The usual kid called a (male, in this case) student to stand in due to illness.
• The usual kid is running late and asked a friend to fill in for a minute.
• The usual student is bound and gagged in my house and this nefarious looking college man is standing in ready to kidnap my kids.
• The usual student forgot to babysit today and this man happened to be waiting to take her place should she fail to show.

Can we safely discount the likelihood of items three and four? According to Lenore Skenazy of Free Range Kids - if you wanted your child to be abducted by a stranger - you would need to leave them (on average) on a curb for 780,000 years. This doesn't make stranger abductions any less tragic... but, this is not something the school needs policies to protect against.

Further and most importantly - why trust the women and not the men? What has happened to a sexist society where we don't trust men with children? It is any wonder that some men are disengaged in parenting? Do we not predispose them as such by assuming them untrustworthy with children until they have their own?

And, I may be alone here... but, I have certainly seen women marginalize the male contribution by suggesting that they aren't as good at diapering, dressing the kid, or whatever. Do we wonder why men often don't participate fully? Men may parent a little differently, but maybe we all need that balance.