I have never met a gadget I didn't like. If you want to sell me something that promises a shinier ass or smaller floors (or vice versa, whatever). You can promise me time-saving, money-saving, a cleaner environment - it really doesn't matter. I will need it.
My lastest follies include:
- the food saver (which works well, but takes too much space - so, I don't use it when the beer bottles pile up in front of it).
- a leg-hair remover, which works terrific, way cheaper than a wax, but - the pain-free promise was total bullshit
- a pasta-maker
- an immersion blender (great for soups on the stove)
- a rug shampoo machine (I should really use this more often, eww)
- my dog has an invisible fence
- active sitting pads for the boys
- a bread machine (makes great bread, J doesn't like the bread). It is stored in the pantry, on the floor, under a hundred things.
- a micro-derm abrasion home face-cleaning device (which makes my skin feel way smooth and nice) - but, too often I just fall into bed with no "beauty regimen" other than removing my bra, pants, and socks.
- a kitchen-aid mixer - which, is arguably not a gadget, but a power-tool - and I love it.
- a special mop system for my wood floors. It made them look fabulous the two times I used it.
- A dryer vent cleaner. This is terrific and it cleans our mysteriously 18 foot long dryer vent with 7 turns in it. We should probably use it more often than every other year. Probably doesn't matter at the moment because the dryer hose fell off the vent and we haven't bothered to move our gargantuan machines to stick it back to the vent.
- a device that lets me pee in the woods without completely dropping trou (which, astonishingly, seems to work - but still requires gads of concentration and a good bit of privacy)
- and my latest - a home soda maker (promises money saving, smaller landfills, and a nicer smile). So far, we've made soda or flavored seltzer a hundred times in four days - let's see if it is still in use next month.
Does it surprise anyone that I have an IUD?
Here is my proposal. Next time I get the burning desire to make my life happier and disposition sunnier by spending (only) $29.99 on some labor-saving, space-filling piece of plastic shit - I should have a support person to call that can bring over a six-pack to talk me out of it.
