Homeschooling Journey

Our homeschooling journey is going to come to an end.

We started homeschooling our oldest child, Z, because the public schools were letting him (and us) down.  While they were ready to recognize his abilities as they suited the school, they failed to help him meet his learning needs.  That is, they berated him for not completing fairly braindead, repetitive assignments and let him through the system on his amazing testing ability.  He helps them (achieving test scores higher than predicted by his in-class achievement).  He learns nothing new from them (he is a self-directed learner) and has lower and lower self-esteem from being berated for his attentional problems.  This was pretty much lose/lose.

I slowly came to the realization that for the three hours nightly that I was browbeating our gentle son into doing fairly mindless and inane assignments (chapter summary after chapter summary, ad nauseum); I could spend the same amount of time helping him learn new stuff.  And, he has learned some incredible new stuff.  He is ahead in reading, science, math, and critical thinking.  He has explored history, government, and geography.  He has done some cool engineering (google First Lego League for more information).  What an amazing mind this child has, and he has had nearly free liberty to let it go while homeschooling.  We have two last blast trips planned - one to Washington D.C. by train and another to Connecticut.

Why stop homeschooling?  Well, for a regular homeschooler, homeschooling has lots of social benefits.  But, homeschooling while working full-time has limitations.  Namely, it can be somewhat socially isolating.  This could, by itself, be rectified.  But this year an additional wrinkle has become increasingly pronounced.  He is better at avoiding me than I am at holding him to a higher standard in the skills that he needs to work on most.  Like everyone else in the world, he prefers to do things that come easily than things that are hard.  And, for him, writing is hard.  For the last four months (or more) our homeschooling has devolved into a "I'll do what I like then vanish" strategy on his part and a frustrated game of hide-and-seek on mine.  I do not have formal grades or any other currency that motivates him.  This has created a frustrated mom and a sometimes sad child - and, that is not successsful homeschooling.  It is clear that the public school for our district will not meet his needs. If only dictation software worked well enough, he could really rock school...

So, what next?  Private school is our plan.  The hope is that he is motivated enough by being there to earn his way to stay.  Intellectually, it should be a piece of cake...  but, the output required of students there far outstrips anything that we've seen in homeschool or regular school.  It will take a while to get there. 
On our side is that he has some wonderful friends there already, the teaching looks exemplary (from what I've seen), it looks like a fairly loving environment, and he wants to go.   There are other gifted children there and they recognize his quirks and are willing to work with us to meet his needs. Will this be enough to make up for the mental toughness he will need to develop in facing his writing demons? 

This can be a brilliant move or an abject failure. Only time will tell...

Not to be outdone.

Here is a picture of a dog:

What?  You say you want the whole dog?

Ok...

And, finally, I'll add a child to the mix...

Too many corks.

There is an image, tossed about by some, of a job whereby you need to keep a series of corks underwater.  As you push some further down, others escape your hands and pop up to the water's surface.

At the moment, there are just too many corks in the tub.

Z, our oldest, has been homeschooling for a year and a half.  We are always trying to find new and different ways to eke some productivity out of his day.  He has nearly as many ways of evading work as getting it done.  I could make a full-time job of homeschooling just this one child.  I have to satisfy myself with the fact that he is learning (a lot), and even though his work output is small - he has academic gains.  But, he could always use more playdates, more directed activities, and more of my time.

B, our middle child, is going through a difficult time.  It seems like B is always going through a tough time.  He operates from one crisis to another, close-lipped about each of them.  I so hope that he will grow into a responsible man someday, but I worry so.  He has everything going for him... he is bright, athletic, tall, rugged, and capable.  But, he can also be impulsive, irresponsible, dishonest, and rude.  He can be amazingly charming and he needs love and cuddles and understanding (and, he needs them most when he is the most horrid).

T is suddenly not the amiable and easy-going kid he's always been.  He was telling me that another kindergartner has been calling him stupid.  He isn't always honest, so I don't know how much of his agony is truly caused by this other child and how much is his trying to diffuse attention to his own actions.

Then, we live in this house that keeps getting dirtier.  With laundry that I keep folding, washing, folding, and washing - and it just keeps coming.  And, things break and things need attention, and I need to call people and make arrangements and feed the dog and vacuum and all kinds of things.

And, there is this job... I need to do things for my job.  I need to write, and plan a course, and keep up with my materials and my colleagues.  I need to read the right academic texts and prepare pedagogical talks and research talks, and collaborate with other scientists.

Then, I have this husband.  And, I love him dearly and want to spend some time with him.  But, by the time the kids are settled, I am tuckered out.

And, I was hoping to stay committed to getting in better physical condition this year.  I have more time, but I am always feeling like I am in the throes of not finishing something else that is crucial.  And, with a homeschooling kid and a full-time job - I never feel like I can quite get the right stuff done to meet this obligation.

This is where I am at the moment. 

Words to myself: The dirty house will someday get cleaned.  And, I have to be satisfied with not really doing things the way I think that they should be done.  Because, T won't always be six - and, it is now that he needs to be reminded that he is not stupid - regardless of what some other little six-year-old says.  B won't always (please, oh please, be true) need so much constant intervention.  And, Z is going to grow up on us and some day figure out how (please) to get himself through school or work on his own.  And, my job will still be there - even though I wish I could feel like I was really doing it the way I'd like.  And, J loves me and me him - even if I can't always stay awake to tell him so.

That's what you think about in the back seat?

I happened on the most interesting deck of cards the other day.  Each card in the deck shares one, and only one, symbol with every other card.  The game entails a race to see who can find the shared symbol on any two cards first.  It got me thinking about how they are made.

So, as a puzzler, I asked Z to think about the problem.  How many unique symbols does a deck of ten cards have to have for each card to share one and only one symbol with every other card in the set?  I said, don't worry about solving this immediately - but, I'll be interested to hear if you can solve it. 

Without a pause, he starting talking. Here are his words, as closely as I can recall...

"Oh, I've solved this before.  I was thinking about this once while we were driving somewhere.  The problem isn't how many symbols... it's the summing them up.  You see, for ten cards, you'd need nine plus eight plus seven and so on to one symbols.  The tenth card would share one of nine symbols with each card.  Then, the ninth card would share eight unique symbols with the remaining cards and so on.  It's really the summing that is a problem.  Oh, wait, you don't have to sum them.  Nine plus one is ten, eight plus two is ten, and so on until we get to five. That's, uh, four times ten, leaving the five.  So, you need 45 symbols for ten cards."

I can't decide which is more impressive... Is it that he has thought about this while we were driving his brother to practice?  Is it that he could just spew the answer off the top of his head?  Is it that he found summation harder than the problem?  That he found the alternate work-around from summation?  Or, is it that he gave me the answer in about thirty seconds of talking it through out loud?

Now, when he doesn't chit-chat with me while we drive around town, I'll be wondering what algorithms are kicking around in his head.

Feeding fish to cheetahs.

There is a wonderful article by Stephanie Tolan on how public educators define and recognize giftedness (http://www.stephanietolan.com/is_it_a_cheetah.htm).  She talks about how, if we define cheetahs solely by their ability to dash about at nearly 70 mph, we'd never be able to recognize a cheetah in a zoo.  It is a terrific metaphor - zoos don't usually have the space for cheetahs to reach top speeds.  Even the most remarkable zoos, if they offer the space for a cheetah to really stretch out, don't give cheetahs any need to.  Cheetahs only reach top speed if they are chasing something remarkably zippy.  Cheetahs that are fed pre-killed meat simply don't need to dash like that.

Likewise, gifted kids may be hard to recognize in public schools.  While the gifted and high-achieving kids are pretty easy to recognize anywhere, not all gifted kids fit that mold.  The little girl that teaches herself Greek and complies with everything at school quickly and easily - sure.  But, the gifted kid that is bored by the curriculum might just not comply - and, therefore, not fit the criteria in achievement to be recognized as gifted.

But, some zoos don't stop at feeding cheetahs pre-killed meat - they make them chase fish.  What if the school cares about reading and writing skills first in identifying gifted kids?  What if, further, the school documents an inability to sit at their desk and finish their work as a criterion. The little boy that doesn't care about reading because he is busy studying the clock and imagining how different gears might make the hands go at different speeds is basically the cheetah ignoring the fish.  Because, cheetahs don't swim.  Then, the little cheetah that is bored by fish, but fascinated by the ducks that come to the pond will soon be not only passed over by the gifted program - but, passed over by even moderate treatment by the zoo.

We are parenting some cheetahs that hate the pool.  Sure, they aren't much into reading or writing, but they all played competent chess in kindergarten (beating 4th and 5th graders regularly).   You want them to read?  Give the boys a technical manual on construction, building, or sports. Yeah, they don't like coloring, but they can build anything you want out of Lego.  You don't think that they can follow step-by-step instructions?  Instead of having them follow your step-by-step art instructions, you should see how they built the "mini-weapon of mass destruction" from the design manual.  They hate memorizing their times tables, but they've solved algebra problems for our Easter "clue" hunt since they were three.  Sure, you complain that they don't show their work in math, but they don't actually miss any of the answers.  You don't like that they didn't solve the problem using the method you were teaching?  You should realize that they were solving it while you were talking - and, got the right answer using a different method.  Writing sentences about how Suzie "felt" in a book may provoke moans and tears.  But, ask them to explain the importance of "gearing up" vs. "gearing down" and sit back to enjoy the lecture.  They may not remember to bring home the correct books to complete their homework assignments.  But, on the way home, they can disassemble the car's seat belt (the manufacturer didn't think that it could be done).  My kindergartner couldn't remember to take his shoes with him when we left the house, but he explained a graphical model with null cline analysis to my college seniors.

I constantly feel like we battle the ability of the teachers to recognize and reinforce the value of students that have exceptionalities in areas that are not the stalwarts of early education.  The losers here are the kids - their exceptionalities are not valued by anyone at their school. The are learning to hate school - it feels (to them) like hours of uninteresting work punctuated by little or no time out of their seats.

[Image from http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/]
If only we can survive early education - it will be amazing to see where they can go.

Island Time

I am still having a difficult time re-entering the United States.  I have been in the Bahamas, teaching a course on coral reefs.  While J argues that I seem equally stressed there as here - I argue that it is a different kind of stress.  It suits me more.

Here, I eye my watch (or the bottom corner of my screen) all day long.  When new email pings in, I jump to determine whether I need to respond right away.  I am constantly monitoring Z, to insure that he is making progress in his (eclectic) homeschool assignment du jour.  I am trying to fit my own work in around the edges here (which is probably backwards).  I figure my job will be there for awhile, but Z will grow up and I don't want to miss these moments.  Once the other kids arrive home from school, we start the slog through the day's homework, packing their school things away.  Then, off to lessons, sports, or other commitments.  Finally, we have hungry children to feed, dirty children to clean, dirty clothing to clean, fold, and pack away.  Then, we have tired children to convince to bed.  Thus, only leaving a house to clean (not often), and the various other life forms that depend on us (dog, plants, yard, etc.).  Don't get me wrong - I love it all, but there is always a sense of immediacy.  This doesn't really suit my type B personality.

In the Bahamas, the stress is different.  My watch is less important - there, it is the weather.  I watch prevailing winds, temperatures, and storms to try to fit in all of our activities around the (mostly) unpredictable whims of the weather.  I worry about keeping track of our children and other people's children (my students).  I count heads a lot and try to warn people about risks that are new to them.  

In the Bahamas, parenting is different.  I don't cook or do dishes.  I have a different sense of clean and dirty for the kids' clothing (and my own, frankly).  The kids are busy all day exploring, creating, learning, and living - no homework drudgery.   The kids feed off of the playful energy of the students. The students feed off of the curiosity and unbridled enthusiasm of the kids. In addition to J watching the children, we have a dedicated helper keeping them from killing themselves or each other.  The kids are so exhausted at night that, for the most part, they pass out once their heads hit the pillow.

In the Bahamas, teaching is different.  The class is so compact that the students have a constant sense of urgency - no one gets tired of the day-to-day schedule.  Everything is new and different, which makes it more salient.  The buddy system in the water and their trepidation at the unknown (will there be sharks?  stingrays?  are the currents strong or waves rough?) makes them operate naturally as a team.  We are released from the drama that is associated with our relationships with people out of class.  We are released from the constant pull of electronic communication.

In the Bahamas, introverted folks like me interact regularly with new and interesting people from all over.  And, with the tropical setting and the communal meals - it is easier to get to know people than I find it here.

I returned home to a cold, gray and rainy world.  The kids are sluggish getting ready for school and balk at working on homework.  I know that they are having the same trouble re-adjusting.  How to balance providing compassion for this challenge and the need to make it happen?

Enabler.

I have a student signed up for a course.  This course is a study abroad offering.  Thus, there is a lot of paperwork and planning required.  Most of this rests on me.  But, there is a substantial amount of planning and preparation that I have to require of the students.

This year, one of my students has, thus far, failed to complete a single piece of this preparation on their own.  His mother has been the main point person on every piece of paperwork, documentation, and meeting.  His mother has finished the papers, sent the emails, contacted me, and sent apologies. 

What will this child do when he gets his first job?  Will she serve as a go-between for his boss?  Will she wake him up so he can get to work on time? 

Kid.  You are in your 20s.  You are a college student.  You want to live "independently".  With that kind of power comes responsibility.

Kid.  It is time to buck up, grow up, and do the right thing.

Mom.  It is time to back off, let your kid face his own consequences, and force your kid to grow up.

I hope that I am never this mom and that my child is never this child.

Dear Abby thinks "Worst First"

A "working mom in Kansas" asked Dear Abby this morning how old her child needs to be before she can leave them alone at all.  Abby's response can be found here:
http://www.uexpress.com/printable/print.html?uc_full_date=20111208&uc_comic=da

Essentially, her answer is never, because something could happen.

Here is my response...

Dear Abby,


On 8 December, you responded to a working mom that wanted to know at what age a child can be left in the house alone. You responded “I don’t think children should be left alone if there is any alternative…” because “Too many things can go wrong…” This is a classic example of what Lenore Skenazy (www.freerangekids.com) refers to as “worst-first” thinking. Because of rare tragic things that could happen, we will handicap our children’s ability to gain from the many positives associated with this kind of independence. Further, we will handicap this parent’s finances and their ability to shop alone for brief periods of time.

Can you really not imagine any age where a child is capable of being left alone in their home? Not at 8? Or 11? Or 14? Or 17? How is it that these children will learn to be capable adults if they don’t get to practice gaining increments of independence under the (sometimes remote) supervision of their parents or guardians? Is this why, as a professor, I see college students today that are incapable of facing the regular bumps and glitches of daily life without calling on their parents to fix their problems for them?

Perhaps instead of “never”, we can look for indicators that a child is capable of short time periods home alone. In that each child develops differently, the right age for gaining responsibility and freedom will be different. Here is one article highlighting the signs of readiness: http://kidshealth.org/parent/firstaid_safe/home/home_alone.html. After experimenting with leaving them home during short errands, children can gain confidence and earn additional freedoms. Practice can help children gain confidence in solving their own problems on the road to becoming capable adults.

Instead of infantilizing our children due to remote risks, we need to empower them. If you will recall, just a few decades ago, we did that very thing. I was a latch-key kid at nine and babysitting at 11. In the 70’s, this was regular practice. Before you argue that the world was safer then, note that the crime statistics show that life is safer today than it has been since 1970 or earlier. In that time on my own, I learned how to feed myself when I was hungry, how to clean up after myself, how to take care of others, who to call when you need help, and I developed the confidence that I could take care of myself. That experience was invaluable.

But, what about the controversy?

I am concerned about the education that my children are getting in public school.

For example, the children are taught unequivocally that the earth is round. 

There are a lot of people that believe, instead, that the earth is flat.  Isn't it unfair that their viewpoint is being treated with such disdain?  Why is it that we have this value judgment in place where we will teach one set of beliefs and not the other? It is culturocentric for us to presume to teach only one side of this controversial topic. 

Where are the discussions about the cultures that dissent on this issue?  Where are the alternative map views?

It is all about giving fair time to different perspectives.  Isn't it?

The most exciting day of school.

The most exciting school day... has no school in it.  Following, please find a list of some of the most exciting moments our kids have had learning.

• Our eight-year-old taking on college kids in chess.
• Our six-year-old playing with sea creatures under a microscope.
• All three boys fishing on a boat, learning to identify fish, types of bait, how boats and waves move, how wind interacts with waves, tides, and how to work together toward a common goal.
• Hiking in the forest and trying to catch bugs.
• Doing long, hard, challenging workouts for months on end until you can earn the privilege of testing for the your next belt in your martial arts.
• Disassembling furniture, and trying to put it back together again.
• Finding a book in the library that makes them want to tuck in and read all afternoon.
• Determining whether or not you want an item based on how many weeks allowance it would cost.
• Negotiating deals and calculating costs in monopoly.
• Building Lego robots, and programming them.
• Talking about different ways of viewing the world and our culture.
• Reading Richard Dawkins new book, and asking Professor Dawkins a question about it.
• Holding a live hummingbird at the hummingbird festival.
• Going to a Rennaissance Fair.
• Practicing piano for weekly lessons - this week... "Hedwig's Theme"!
• Learning about their uncle's sculpture.
• Picking out a recipe and cooking dinner.
• Going to an art gallery.
• Playing with dry ice.
• Building and lighting a fire.

What do these days have in common? 

Self motivation - they were learning because they were personally invested in learning something. 
Determination - they were teaching themselves to stick with something, even when it is hard. 
Pushing the bounds of their knowledge and know-how - they were stretching themselves in new and different ways. 
Responsibility - they were empowered to try something out, even at the risk of minor injury, to learn to take care of themselves and make good choices.

These are the features that we should be looking for in quality, high gain schoolwork.  Not more, just more interesting.  While all schoolwork can't do all of this, all school work should do some of this.

Experience

Interestingly, there is an ongoing movement among schools to reduce all kinds of experiential learning.  The movement doesn't really go by that name, it goes by - "anything could happen, we need to keep our children safe", "we can't do that in these litigious times", and "it costs too much".

Schools protect children from scary things like poison ivy and insects, and thus cancel most outdoor learning opportunities. Schools forbid teaching from having plants, animals (of all kinds) and soil in the classroom. Schools reinforce cultural fears of the natural world by forbidding any food that was not processed and wrapped in an industrial setting.   Let's send the little tykes off to school wrapped in bubble wrap and, for Pete's sake, don't let them run at recess - they could skin a knee!

Dissections are being replaced with virtual frogs... because, of course, all frogs are two-dimensional, color-coded, there is no individual variation in organs, and textures/structures are not relevant.   People are worried about frog rights (there are some relevant points here, but the experience cannot be satisfactorily simulated).  People think that kids with dissecting scissors are dangerous (how old does a kid need to be to handle a knife?  When did you get one?).

My son learned about how seeds grow into plants by... coloring then cutting out pictures of seeds, sprouts, plants, flowers, fruits, and harvest - then pasting them in order.  That, because, I guess planting a seed and watching is too hard?


There are lots of experiences that schools are skipping that go beyond using exploration.  And, these reductions take many guises.  But, ultimately, like you did - kids learn by getting dirty, getting into something, and sometimes breaking stuff, needing a band-aid, or getting poison ivy.  Our kids may be safer... but, they are bored and getting dumber.  Fun is not the opposite of learning.  Self-directed exploration is more useful than a month of worksheets.
 
In a few years, perhaps we can expect medical schools to abandon using cadavers in lieu of virtual people.   Forestry agents can look at leaves online.   Teachers can practice in virtual classrooms.  Nurses can practice on robotic patients.  Funny?  Guess which ones of these are already happening.
 

The correct way to do it.

I took a child to the doctor for wart removal some time ago.  The doctor pointed out that there are about a dozen approved treatments to treat warts.

"Which means, of course, that none of them are really good.  If there is a really good treatment, it becomes the treatment of choice".

Why aren't there dozens of books out there with the following titles?

• A dozen different tools to drive a nail into wood.
• Which way do you want to address your envelope?
• Different solutions to 2+2.
• Which way should you punctuate "I'm"?
• How you should sit in a chair.

Right, because pretty much, if I have a nail, a hammer looks like a good tool for the job.

So, when we see hundreds, thousands, or even more titles in a "How to" section - that indicates that there is not just one solution that works for everyone.

Which sections of self-help guides are full of titles?

• How to lose weight and stay in shape.
• How to be an effective teacher.
• How to be an effective learner.
• How to be the most effective and loving parent.
• How to have a happy and successful marriage.

There are some universal truths.  People like to be treated fairly and with respect.  People like to connect with other people.  People like to feel valued.  But, how to do that and achieve your goals will vary depending on the dynamics of the situation.

Suffice it to say, we should all recognize that there is no such thing as one size fits all education, parenting, or marriage.

Get a good workout - for your brain.

When we go to the gym to get some exercise, we accept that, to get any bang for our exercise buck, we need to feel like we are working hard.  You want to break a sweat, maybe feel a little sore later, struggle with the last repetitions in a set, and breathe hard.  To make your body stronger and more fit, we accept that we need to work.  Hence, we call this process - working out.

Likewise, if you ask too much of a gym workout - you either won't succeed (you can't lift the whole stack without working up to it).  Alternatively, you may finish it but be too sore to follow through and go back to the gym the next time.

It seems to me that learning is the same process.  So, it shouldn't surprise us that to make gains in learning and understanding new ideas (algebra, for example)... we should feel like we are struggling a little.  Wrapping our minds around something new doesn't come easily.  So, if you aren't feeling like you are struggling a bit - you probably aren't making gains.  Obviously, if you can march through your schoolwork without really paying attention to it - it is too easy and you won't make gains.  Similarly, if it is too hard - you won't be able to struggle to the answer - no gains again.   Thus, one real key to education seems to be finding the "sweet spot", just the right level of difficulty.

Another key to education, which can be very difficult to develop, is a willingness to struggle.  We intuitively want things to come easy and make us feel smart.  But, to really figure something out, some degree of struggle seems to be necessary. If we frustrate too easily, we will miss these new insights.

What does handicapped mean?

My father lives in a retirement community.  When asked how he is feeling, he generally answers that he feels good.  And, generally, he does.  He does, however, have his third new heart valve, shoulders that don't allow him to raise his arms, neuromas that cause pain and numbness below his knees, and a variety of other aches, pains, and challenges.  When asked about any of those items - he, like most of the more well-adjusted residents, would answer that "everyone has their issues".

Issues are not restricted to the old-folks home.

Whether it is a bum knee, hearing loss, digestion issues, eyesight degradation, memory loss, attentional deficits, social deficits, dysgraphia, dyslexia, or some other deficit - everyone has their issues. No one is perfect.

I read an inspirational post at freerangekids.com this morning that shows a handicapped boy wheeling himself to camp.  The other parents are horrified that this poor child has to wheel himself with his friends down the road to camp.  The kid's friends had to get their bikes to keep up with his speed-demon wheeling.   Which kids are handicapped?  It is the ones that aren't allowed to walk on their own or the ones that are forced to?

Early on in my teaching career, I had a student that was "handicapped".  In that I teach field courses with some rigorous physical activities, early in the semester I pulled him aside.

"I see that you have issues with your arm.  You look very capable.  I just want to let you know that if you are ever asked to do something that is difficult or challenging - just give me a nod, and I will understand.  Do you have any specific limitations that I should know about?"

"Nope.  I'll be fine."

Boy, was he ever serious.  This one-handed boy toted canoes, paddled canoes, pulled nets, went through samples, shoveled, and did everything everyone else did - plus some.  What a great kid.  This kid hadn't accomplished a lot despite his disability - his disability gave him the fire to accomplish whatever he wanted to.  How did he do it?  I couldn't even tell you... I saw the kid tote a canoe and paddle it, and I am still not sure how one paddles one-handed.  He's an accomplished fisherman too!

High school football?  Sure - he played until his father didnt' allow him to - after his good arm was shattered in a particularly rough tackle.  I knew him after he'd recovered from his football injury.  This kid was a perfectly normal, if motivated, bright, and active young man.

No one ever told this kid what he couldn't do - so, he found a way to do whatever was thrown his way.

If we are defined by our actions rather than our words or our shortcomings... we need to take whichever issues life throws at us, however big or small, and succeed however it takes and however we define it.

Mothering Philosophy

I was reading about a homeschooling writing curriculum and encountered the writer's mission statement about parenting. It occurs to me that I write, revise, consider, and reflect on my "Teaching Philosophy" at least annually. But, I have never put together a statement of my goals, objectives, methodology, and philosophy of parenting. It that important? I find revisiting my teaching philosophy helps me re-focus my efforts and teach in accordance with my stated goals.

Maybe I should, from time-to-time, revisit my parenting philosophy to re-center myself as a parent?

Here is my first second run... it will change... again .

---
My primary goal in parenting is to produce contributing members of society. To meet this goal, the children need to have a strong work ethic, be honest, be compassionate to others and their environment, demonstrate good decision-making and critical thinking skills, have rich intellectual lives, develop positive social skills, and maintain healthy lifestyles.

We meet these goals by both modeling good behavior and by giving them opportunities to develop the habits and skills to make wise choices and develop broad interests.  We are loving parents and try to show our love both outwardly and in our words and actions.  We provide a nurturing environment, but not at the cost of expecting the children to behave in a caring and compassionate manner toward others and toward their environment.  Respecting other people and the natural environment comes with experiencing both and learning to reflect on others' perceptions of the world around them.  Exposure to different habitats, organisms, environments, and cultures and reflections on these is part of our conscious experience.

Both of us work outside of the home and regularly share facets of how we strive for excellence in our work and in completing work around the home. We expect them to participate in home maintenance in age-appropriate ways and expect them to contribute, where possible, to our home environment. We communicate with one another respectfully and we share tasks and responsibilities. We are honest with one another and act as a team in our choices, expenses, and rewards. 

Both of us are educated and continue to demonstrate our love of learning both in our professional disciplines and in a broad range of other areas as exemplified by our reading choices, asking questions of others, visiting museums and other cultural events. The children are encouraged to participate at age-appropriate events and levels in all disciplines. We encourage reading, model reading of fiction, non-fiction, and news-media and include reading aloud with the children as a part of our daily lives. We also pursue intellectual growth and development in engineering (for example, our participation in Lego League), the arts, and the humanities.

We try to give them age-appropriate opportunities to make their own choices and carry responsibilities. These include encouragint them to own and handle tools, cook, to participate in water sports and outdoor activities independently, solo exploration, and time alone to pursue their interests. In this way, they can develop problem-solving abilities and learn when to seek help and how to do so.

We model healthy choices in our day-to-day lives. We eat conscious of the impact our choices have on our bodies and our environment. We are active in organized sports, fitness activities, and outdoor exploration. We maintain regular schedules for sleep. We maintain a household that both leaves room for ongoing exploration and examination of living things (pets and so on), as well as is relatively tidy and organized.

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Just in reading this first try - I reflect on things that I do that do not reflect my philosophy as stated (e.g. I shout - sometimes a lot). As expected, deliberately examining my parenting philosophy suggests areas where I wish to improve how I exemplify what I wish to see in them.

Truthfully, though, I am in the classroom for 12 hours a week - all hours for which I am caffeinated and "on". My parenting time isn't always the "best of the best". It will be much harder to live this all of the time than it is to meet my goals in the classroom. My kids get both my best (most "on", most loving, most patient, most interested)... but, they also get my worst (most overtired, most overwrought, most hurried). I get their best and worst as well.

To thine own self be true.

While it is not clear that Polonius meant the same by this phrase as I do here, it is important stuff.

"To thine own self be true."

Polonius may well have meant by this to have your actions consistent with what he considered to be good character - represent yourself well by your actions.  Today, we extend this expression to include that one's actions should be consistent with one's ideals, beliefs, and thoughts - that we may know the person by their actions, deeds, and expressions.

This is so important to live.  People are happier, more comfortable in their own skins, self-assured, when they behave like the people they are.  This is the kind of message that we impart to children (our own, our children's friends, and in my case - also my students).

Our children should let their actions and words reflect themselves - and the best of themselves.  This can be a self-check to insure that they are keeping their thoughts, minds, and deeds healthy and compassionate.  If you wouldn't say it or do it in front of your grandmother - you shouldn't say it or do it.

We need, however, to be aware of what this expression means to a broad diversity of people.

I attended a meeting last week... there was a young man there who was worried. He was moving to a foreign country and he was worried about how he would be perceived.  What if he wanted to date someone local, would it be legal?  Could he just be himself there?  Would he need to worry about being arrested?  Should he lie about who he is?

As a married, middle-aged mom - I don't have tothink about this; I can give my husband a kiss in public, hold hands, and share an intimate moment on date night.  But, in our ultra-religious community, if I were gay - whether I could express myself safely would be a constant theme in my life.  To whom can I be honest without worrying about repercussions for myself, my children, my partner, my job...

We need, as compassionate people, to find a way to let people be true to their own selves.  As long as everyone involved in any relationship is consenting (and able to consent) - no one else need worry or even think about what dynamics are involved.

If you never have - attend a PFLAG meeting, it may open your eyes.

http://community.pflag.org/

Ugly and counterproductive.

At one of my favorite blogs today, there is a battle going on.  It is the same old story - mommy wars.

In this case, it has to do with premarital sex and who has the goods on the right way to prevent it, deal with it, or educate children.  This is the same old thing though... people trying to make themselves feel better by belittling others.  It is as though we never grew past the "mean girl" stage in middle school.

Did you breastfeed your kids? 
In public?
No, really, did you exclusively nurse for long enough?
Did your child lead weaning?
Did you cut them off when nursing wasn't appropriate anymore?
Do you feed them right?
You didn't give solids too soon, did you?
You don't give them junk food?  Or (gasp) soda?
Did you work out of the house?
Are you setting the example that moms should be separated from their children?
Are you able to be nurturing when you are away all day?
Did you stay home?
Are you sending the wrong message about the capabilities of women?
Do you hover too much?
Are you there enough?
Do your kids get dirty?
Don't you let them play outside?
Do you take them to a house of worship?
Is it the right one?
If not, how will they know right from wrong?
Did you homeschool?
How will they ever be socialized?
Do they go to public school?
How will they ever learn the right stuff?
Do they go to private school?
Isn't that elitist?

Is is just possible that there is more than one way to raise children and have it work out?

How about we just try to support one another?

Math phobia - it's contagious.

I have been reading a lot recently about how much much we lack in math.  "Math skills are lacking".  "Kids hate math".  "Math curricula flawed".  "U.S. behind in math and science training".  I attribute no small part of that to the teachers themselves.  I am not implicating the curricula (which definitely lack).  I am not blaming the children.  It isn't just that parents have trouble helping in new (new, new, newer) [name your mathematics teaching revolution here] math.  I think that we need to start with the teachers.

I didn't just decide to vilify other teachers overnight. This notion has grown over a decade of observing teachers. I've watched lots of teachers... daycare teachers, elementary education teachers, elementary education counselors, high school teachers, other college professors, and teachers of teachers (college education professors).  Over and over, I see the same behavior, hear the same concerns, and when students here these words over and over - they learn that this approach is acceptable, normal, and correct.

"I hate math".  "I can't do math".  "When I heard that there was math involved, I quit".  "Math is too hard for me".  This is what I keep hearing teachers say.  Sometimes, I have heard this in front of students.  Sometimes, it is just the attitude that they carry into the classroom.

If kids hear that math is scary, bad, difficult, and not worthy of  working hard to learn - what do you suppose that they learn?

At a recent teaching conference, for college professors, a math professor used a mathematical concept as the grist for examining a new teaching method.  They chose an easy topic, so that we could focus on how the method works.  The concept that we covered (just as grist for exploring a teaching method), was learning the characteristics of the following quadrilaterals: rhombus, parallelogram, square, rectangle, and trapezoid.    I was gobsmacked - the math fear evoked by learning (oooooh) SHAPES had some college professors ready to walk out.  Other college professors laughed in their seats that, "I don't do math", and they listened, but didn't participate.

If a generation of college professors finds it amusing, acceptable, and even funny that they can't describe four-sided shapes - no wonder our math teaching is going to hell in a handbasket.

Folks - I get it, you found math intimidating.  But, as teachers, you have a responsibility to approach learning as fun exercise.  You will never find me telling my students that I don't do english,  I don't do writing, I don't do art, music, or whatever.  I certainly recognize my weaknesses - but, like fine music - even if I can't make it - I should be able to appreciate it when I hear it.

There is no replacement for experience.

I just spent all weekend at a teaching conference. The entire weekend focused on meeting our educational goals and objectives as teachers. How can we best approach facilitate learning? What can we do to enhance our connection with students and their connection with the material?

The same keywords continue to surface: active learning, group collaboration, kinesthetic learning, repetition, seeing different perspectives of the same thing, interactive learning, and using multiple modalities.

This morning, while looking for other information on pedagogy, I encountered yet another website that proposes that online (simulated) dissection is better than the real deal (sponsored by, who else, PETA). They provide no evidence to support this contention. I would freely support these amazing virtual experiences as support for the real thing. But, the virtual experience does not replace the real thing. Two-dimensions cannot convey the same information as three. Online, you can't see texture. Online, you can't move things aside, examine connections, feel internal structures, or change your angle.  The online versions don't show individual variation. In a lab, students can wander around and see differences between individuals corresponding to sex, size, age, and just individual quirks.  All of the aspects that the virtual experience misses are informative to understanding morphology, function, development, and cementing the names of the structures in your memory.

Real dissections are multi-modal, active learning, collaborative, student-directed, kinesthetic, three-dimensional, active, and more real, applied, and relevant.

If something is worth doing - it is worth doing right.

That said, I have offered students with objections the opportunity to use virtual dissection as an alternative. I am ok with someone that has real objections not compromising their beliefs. I can say from my teaching experience, assessment, and student performance that this tool is not as effective by itself as the real deal. This has to be a choice students make.

Like all tools, we need to use dissection wisely and where we will get the most learning opportunies. When I teach about a forest - I go outside rather than watch a movie about one. From a teaching and learning perspective, this is the same thing.

Losing ourselves in connectivity

I am on a kick now, reading books about nature. Specifically, I have been reading books about man's connection to nature.

We spend so much of our time talking about connections. Connections via phone, email, facebook, skype, and other electronic forms. Connecting to distant other beings that we can communicate with remotely - in our own time, responding at our leisure, and being friends at a distance. We talk about our connections to electricity, electronic media, newspapers, radio, television, and the internet.

We need to spend more time on connections. But not the ones I've already mentioned. We need to spend more time connecting with people we care about. These connections have to occur with the phone turned off, the email disconnected, and not whilst multi-tasking. The people we care for deserve to have some of our real time - without distraction. I spend much of my time carrying people here and there, fixing dinner while helping with homework, working while chatting, eating while perusing facebook, and folding clothes while nagging the kids to put their shoes away. The people we care for (spouses, children, friends, as well as co-workers, students, and acquaintances) deserve to have us really listen when they speak.

We also need to spend more time connecting to the natural world. As a field biologist, of course I consider this a crucial element of life. But, as I read more of the literature on how our exposure to the natural world informs our lifestyle, choices, mental and physical health, and relationships - it reinforces that it is worthwhile to drop everything and spend some time outside - in green space. That is, where the bugs, frogs, birds, grass, flowers, trees, and wild things are. Where the wind blows your hair and you need sunscreen. Connecting with nature grounds us, calms us, and reminds us of what is important and what we can let go. Connecting with nature enhances all of our well-being.

We can take this one step further. We need to go outside with the people we care about (leave the electronics behind). You want your sulky teen to speak with you? Take him or her fishing. It is quiet. You aren't stuck staring at each other grasping for words. The whole pace of your interaction slows down and conversation can flow to what needs to be said. Even more important, the calm and the occupation with fishing (and not confronting one another) can allow us to hear and what we need to and allow us to withhold a response if it won't help. If you've ever been a teenager, you might recall that sometimes parents need to hear about our children and reserve judgment.

If you are fishing, the conversation ebbs and flows around where the fish are active and fits easily around your activity. The self-consciousnes of bringing up embarassing or sensitive topics eases when you are fitting a conversation around the birds, fish, and flow of the water. Nervous around someone? You can't stay that way while you float around a pond or wander through a forest.

Sometimes, it isn't other people that we need to connect with. Feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or down? Take yourself outside. Take a fishing rod, a kayak, a sketchbook, a journal, your lunch, or nothing at all. Take a vigorous hike, an aggressive paddle, an intense fishing trip, a gentle walk, or plop yourself down somewhere. Take in your surroundings. Listen. Sniff the breeze. Shake your hair out. Take it easy on yourself by soaking up the world around you and reserving judgment for some other time.

Mental health, physical health, environmental health - it's out there. You just need to slow down a bit and it will come to you.