Enough girl power.

I feel as strongly as the next educated woman on the importance of educational equality for women. But, the fact is that the tables have turned dramatically. Women are statistically more successful in school than men. This all starts in elementary school and continues sll the way up to college where incoming freshmen classes are female biased and attrition is higher in males than females all the way through.

The time has come to address why males are less successful in our educational system than females. While educational initiatives for girls are still important - we need to figure out how to fix the leaky pipeline of bright young unsuccessful boys. It comes as no surprise to my readers reader that I am a mother of boys. But, seriously, why does my kindergartner suffer in his grades because he can't sit in a chair all day, do worksheets and want to cut out pictures of growing bean plants? Can't the kid just get dirty and plant beans to see what happens? He can get his teeth into getting dirty - but, cutting and sounding out B-E-A-N for six hours is not exactly setting him up for success.

The kid went into kindergarten with high hopes and WAY ahead of the curve on all the pre-tests. At this point (six months in), he shows NO signs of increased achievement, and has decided everything but gym class and art sucks. Can't we just spend kindergarten teaching kids that learning is fun? It is really crucial to his college enrollment that he is reading by the end of kindergarten? Are worksheets the best way to learn?

Let's start initiatives to help boys succeed, to actually get some male role models into the elementary schools (other than PE teachers), and to get them dirty at school - cuz' that's the funnest stuff to do.

I am a big Dewey fan - we learn by doing, let's do more and talk about it less. I think we need to introduce the following into kindergarten (all things, by the way, that I remember doing in elementary school):

• playing in dirt (gardening?)
• counting games that require running around
• letter games that require running around (run to trace the letters? playground chalk?)
• blowing shit up (science? I don't know, but it sure is fun)
• walking in the woods
• keeping frogs in tanks
• growing insects

I bet there are a million better ideas. This totally makes you appreciate the potential of homeschool.

just can't get enough.

I think that a new twelve step program may be in order.

I have never met a gadget I didn't like. If you want to sell me something that promises a shinier ass or smaller floors (or vice versa, whatever). You can promise me time-saving, money-saving, a cleaner environment - it really doesn't matter. I will need it.

My lastest follies include:

• the food saver (which works well, but takes too much space - so, I don't use it when the beer bottles pile up in front of it).
• a leg-hair remover, which works terrific, way cheaper than a wax, but - the pain-free promise was total bullshit
• a pasta-maker
• an immersion blender (great for soups on the stove)
• a rug shampoo machine (I should really use this more often, eww)
• my dog has an invisible fence
• active sitting pads for the boys
• a bread machine (makes great bread, J doesn't like the bread). It is stored in the pantry, on the floor, under a hundred things.
• a micro-derm abrasion home face-cleaning device (which makes my skin feel way smooth and nice) - but, too often I just fall into bed with no "beauty regimen" other than removing my bra, pants, and socks.
• a kitchen-aid mixer - which, is arguably not a gadget, but a power-tool - and I love it.
• a special mop system for my wood floors. It made them look fabulous the two times I used it.
• A dryer vent cleaner. This is terrific and it cleans our mysteriously 18 foot long dryer vent with 7 turns in it. We should probably use it more often than every other year. Probably doesn't matter at the moment because the dryer hose fell off the vent and we haven't bothered to move our gargantuan machines to stick it back to the vent.
• a device that lets me pee in the woods without completely dropping trou (which, astonishingly, seems to work - but still requires gads of concentration and a good bit of privacy)
• and my latest - a home soda maker (promises money saving, smaller landfills, and a nicer smile). So far, we've made soda or flavored seltzer a hundred times in four days - let's see if it is still in use next month.

Does it surprise anyone that I have an IUD?

Here is my proposal. Next time I get the burning desire to make my life happier and disposition sunnier by spending (only) $29.99 on some labor-saving, space-filling piece of plastic shit - I should have a support person to call that can bring over a six-pack to talk me out of it.

A study in annoying.

I am (as I write) on hold with our health insurance company.

For 15 minutes I have been listening to the same 2 minute loop of an enthusiastic helpful woman telling me about dental care. The loop actually has pauses and clicks built in so that you keep getting your hopes up, then dashing them when the loop starts again.

Then, you are sent to an operator that takes all of your information (again) - then, puts you back on hold.

Then, after another 10 minutes - someone answers, and asks for all of your information again.

AAARGH.

I am doing this to resubmit a claim for the third time (it has fallen off the abyss each other time).

This insurance company has a history of rejecting every single claim I have made, out of hand, and requiring resubmission and justification. For example, my visit to the emergency room on a Friday evening was rejected because it wasn't pre-approved (their office closes at five and I had the audacity to break my arm after five). It was noted that they have too many spurious ER visits.

My visit to the ER when I needed eight stitches in my finger was rejected when the doctor failed to note that the finger was on my RIGHT hand.

I don't want the government in charge of my health care, but I don't want these assholes involved either.

What is the most frustrating insurance fiasco you've had?

Tallying up the good.

So, I had a bad day and I chose my blog as the place to (as dh put it) - rant.

I know that I am fortunate. I am absolutely blessed. I know that. I had a bad day.

So, here I am, thankful and contrite.

• I have a handsome, smart, loving, sensitive husband.
• I have three beautiful, healthy, bright, inquisitive boys.
• I have my health (other than a cold, which is, not really a big deal, all told).
• We live in a lovely home.
• We live in a beautiful part of the country.
• My husband is good at and enjoys his job, and his job is stable.
• I have a good job that I enjoy and it is stable.
• We are comfortable and know that we can pay the bills.
• We have a loving extended family.
• Other than my occasional tantrums, we live mostly free of drama.
• I worry more about eating too much than too little.
• We are educated and our children also have that opportunity.
• We have clean running water, electricity, and a safe place to sleep.
• Our community is safe and friendly.

If you sometimes forget (like I sometimes do) how lucky you are, view the following youtube video about the "miniature earth".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drSDhlnm0e0&feature=related

I'm moving in with Alexander.

I have had it.

This is the second time I am writing this post, because my internet connection randomly turns on and off.

I am sick with about the 18th cold/flu of the fall and winter season. My nose is literally dripping snot too quickly to keep up. My head hurts from sinus congestion and I can't sleep at night. I am sick of being sick.


My kids won't help with even the most rudimentary and expected tasks - they'd rather their punishments than contribute. They don't wish to think ahead of doing anything, and are thus, followed by a series of minor (and not so minor) disasters. In the past several days, they have spilled cereal all over the floor and/or table at least three times because they were balancing it on the milk jug. They have spilled molasses all over the counter because they were trying to "help" me make cookies for the stupid cookie exchange (that I'd enjoy if my head weren't splitting). This morning, they spilled about a pint of maple syrup all over the kitchen.

They would rather be punished than help around the house - even the most basic tasks. One child would rather sit on the stairs than take the recycling to the garage. He'd also prefer to pay $3 than clear his breakfast dish. This is the same breakfast dish that was still completely full of cereal that he poured, than changed his mind. The kids wastes more food than some children get. The other left the laundry he was supposed to gather all over the house. While gathering the laundry, I found an unflushed poo, and that all of the bedding had been pulled off of the youngest's bed.

There is glitter every-effing-where in the house.

Someone (it isn't clear who, there is apparently a bad case of amnesia going around) broke a shower stall in our guest bathroom this morning.

The shower stall isn't the only part of our house that is falling apart. The columns in front of our house are rotting. Actually most of our external woodwork is rotting (window sills and door jams); I don't think that they were actually constructed of outdoor materials. There is a hole in the drywall. In our kitchen, the refrigerator is on strike - refusing to make ice or serve water, the hood is falling down, and our cabinets are falling off the wall so dramatically I've had to "store" all of our china on the dining room table. That is, when the kids aren't toting the china pieces around like they are toys. The arm is falling off of my favorite chair, threatening to dump me at any moment. The laundry sink drips, the dryer hose disconnected from the wall. Both of these little foibles will require both of us (and NO KIDS) to fix. You'd think we live in a colonial-era house or something, but it was built in 1996.

Our greedy, entitled kids want every other thing in every toy catalog we receive. Their desire increases with the likelihood of calamity or the number of breakable parts. This, from the kids that made indoor RC helicopters last less than two hours each. I think I'll give them a shower door for Christmas; those fuckers run about $400.

My grades are due on the 22nd and I have a final to give as late as the 2oth (yes, Saturday). I have a mountain of crappy papers to read between now and then.

Our post-Christmas trip was cancelled. Instead of going to the tropics, I am looking at two straight weeks in our broken house with two restless boys when I should be preparing my two new courses.

I think I'm going to move the kids to a barn so, when they leave the doors open (and let more stinkbugs in) they can say "why yes, we do live in a barn".

Christmas this year, ideally, would allow me to tuck in with some good food, some tea and a nice book. Quiet and peaceful. I don't care about decorations, socializing, fancy food, parties, shopping, buying more crap, or holiday spirit. I just want a few moments of peace.

Then, I'm going to move to Australia.

Happy Returns

So, J stopped at Mc D's with the kids for a happy meal because he was running late on Saturday to get them to a playdate. We rarely do fast food. So, yuck.

When I started driving this morning, I thought I was losing my mind... (too much nyquil?).

I kept hearing voices.

"I know I'm every hippo's dream"

"Wow"

What the ????

Stupid, McDs toys have a motion sensor - so, they repeat this continually the entire way home.

As if their food wasn't bad enough, now their toys will make you crazy too.

Mean Mom

Last week, I took a giant bag of candy into class for my students. They told me that I am a mean mom.

You see, the night before - I put the kids to bed. Then, I put the kids back to bed. Then, I put them back to bed and told them that I expected them to stay put. Then, I finally told them that the next time they got out of bed - they would lose all of their halloween candy.

I thought that they would stand and take notice. Instead, they tested me.

So, the next morning, J and I sequestered the really good stuff for ourselves (we aren't dumb). And, I gave ther rest of the candy to my students.

Mean mom indeed.