For anyone that follows Melissa at Suburban Bliss, you have been following a very difficult story lately. Melissa has been struggling with mental illness for quite some time, quite publicly. She is clinically depressed, on and off medication, and dealing with her marriage, family, and a dysfunctional family history. It's all there to read about. What a tough hand to be dealt - bad enough to have the crazy family... but, the ongoing legacy (genetic, environmental, or whatever) of mental illness is obviously making it all more challenging.
Whether or not the public aspect of her struggles (her blog) has made it worse - no one can clearly demonstrate. However, from this vast distance, over the internet... I really feel for her and her family. Everyone is clearly in pain. And, while her husband feels as though he is done with the good fight, and Melissa seems to struggle to figure out what normal is, and their children are in the middle of all of this. We can all take a moment to send our best wishes to all of them that they can sort out their family life in the most positive way for all involved, maintain their health (mental and physical), and learn a new way to get along.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The correct way to do it.
I took a child to the doctor for wart removal some time ago. The doctor pointed out that there are about a dozen approved treatments to treat warts.
"Which means, of course, that none of them are really good. If there is a really good treatment, it becomes the treatment of choice".
Why aren't there dozens of books out there with the following titles?
So, when we see hundreds, thousands, or even more titles in a "How to" section - that indicates that there is not just one solution that works for everyone.
Which sections of self-help guides are full of titles?
Suffice it to say, we should all recognize that there is no such thing as one size fits all education, parenting, or marriage.
"Which means, of course, that none of them are really good. If there is a really good treatment, it becomes the treatment of choice".
Why aren't there dozens of books out there with the following titles?
- A dozen different tools to drive a nail into wood.
- Which way do you want to address your envelope?
- Different solutions to 2+2.
- Which way should you punctuate "I'm"?
- How you should sit in a chair.
So, when we see hundreds, thousands, or even more titles in a "How to" section - that indicates that there is not just one solution that works for everyone.
Which sections of self-help guides are full of titles?
- How to lose weight and stay in shape.
- How to be an effective teacher.
- How to be an effective learner.
- How to be the most effective and loving parent.
- How to have a happy and successful marriage.
Suffice it to say, we should all recognize that there is no such thing as one size fits all education, parenting, or marriage.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Get a good workout - for your brain.
When we go to the gym to get some exercise, we accept that, to get any bang for our exercise buck, we need to feel like we are working hard. You want to break a sweat, maybe feel a little sore later, struggle with the last repetitions in a set, and breathe hard. To make your body stronger and more fit, we accept that we need to work. Hence, we call this process - working out.
Likewise, if you ask too much of a gym workout - you either won't succeed (you can't lift the whole stack without working up to it). Alternatively, you may finish it but be too sore to follow through and go back to the gym the next time.
It seems to me that learning is the same process. So, it shouldn't surprise us that to make gains in learning and understanding new ideas (algebra, for example)... we should feel like we are struggling a little. Wrapping our minds around something new doesn't come easily. So, if you aren't feeling like you are struggling a bit - you probably aren't making gains. Obviously, if you can march through your schoolwork without really paying attention to it - it is too easy and you won't make gains. Similarly, if it is too hard - you won't be able to struggle to the answer - no gains again. Thus, one real key to education seems to be finding the "sweet spot", just the right level of difficulty.
Another key to education, which can be very difficult to develop, is a willingness to struggle. We intuitively want things to come easy and make us feel smart. But, to really figure something out, some degree of struggle seems to be necessary. If we frustrate too easily, we will miss these new insights.
Likewise, if you ask too much of a gym workout - you either won't succeed (you can't lift the whole stack without working up to it). Alternatively, you may finish it but be too sore to follow through and go back to the gym the next time.
It seems to me that learning is the same process. So, it shouldn't surprise us that to make gains in learning and understanding new ideas (algebra, for example)... we should feel like we are struggling a little. Wrapping our minds around something new doesn't come easily. So, if you aren't feeling like you are struggling a bit - you probably aren't making gains. Obviously, if you can march through your schoolwork without really paying attention to it - it is too easy and you won't make gains. Similarly, if it is too hard - you won't be able to struggle to the answer - no gains again. Thus, one real key to education seems to be finding the "sweet spot", just the right level of difficulty.
Another key to education, which can be very difficult to develop, is a willingness to struggle. We intuitively want things to come easy and make us feel smart. But, to really figure something out, some degree of struggle seems to be necessary. If we frustrate too easily, we will miss these new insights.
Monday, August 8, 2011
What does handicapped mean?
My father lives in a retirement community. When asked how he is feeling, he generally answers that he feels good. And, generally, he does. He does, however, have his third new heart valve, shoulders that don't allow him to raise his arms, neuromas that cause pain and numbness below his knees, and a variety of other aches, pains, and challenges. When asked about any of those items - he, like most of the more well-adjusted residents, would answer that "everyone has their issues".
Issues are not restricted to the old-folks home.
Whether it is a bum knee, hearing loss, digestion issues, eyesight degradation, memory loss, attentional deficits, social deficits, dysgraphia, dyslexia, or some other deficit - everyone has their issues. No one is perfect.
I read an inspirational post at freerangekids.com this morning that shows a handicapped boy wheeling himself to camp. The other parents are horrified that this poor child has to wheel himself with his friends down the road to camp. The kid's friends had to get their bikes to keep up with his speed-demon wheeling. Which kids are handicapped? It is the ones that aren't allowed to walk on their own or the ones that are forced to?
Early on in my teaching career, I had a student that was "handicapped". In that I teach field courses with some rigorous physical activities, early in the semester I pulled him aside.
"I see that you have issues with your arm. You look very capable. I just want to let you know that if you are ever asked to do something that is difficult or challenging - just give me a nod, and I will understand. Do you have any specific limitations that I should know about?"
"Nope. I'll be fine."
Boy, was he ever serious. This one-handed boy toted canoes, paddled canoes, pulled nets, went through samples, shoveled, and did everything everyone else did - plus some. What a great kid. This kid hadn't accomplished a lot despite his disability - his disability gave him the fire to accomplish whatever he wanted to. How did he do it? I couldn't even tell you... I saw the kid tote a canoe and paddle it, and I am still not sure how one paddles one-handed. He's an accomplished fisherman too!
High school football? Sure - he played until his father didnt' allow him to - after his good arm was shattered in a particularly rough tackle. I knew him after he'd recovered from his football injury. This kid was a perfectly normal, if motivated, bright, and active young man.
No one ever told this kid what he couldn't do - so, he found a way to do whatever was thrown his way.
If we are defined by our actions rather than our words or our shortcomings... we need to take whichever issues life throws at us, however big or small, and succeed however it takes and however we define it.
Issues are not restricted to the old-folks home.
Whether it is a bum knee, hearing loss, digestion issues, eyesight degradation, memory loss, attentional deficits, social deficits, dysgraphia, dyslexia, or some other deficit - everyone has their issues. No one is perfect.
I read an inspirational post at freerangekids.com this morning that shows a handicapped boy wheeling himself to camp. The other parents are horrified that this poor child has to wheel himself with his friends down the road to camp. The kid's friends had to get their bikes to keep up with his speed-demon wheeling. Which kids are handicapped? It is the ones that aren't allowed to walk on their own or the ones that are forced to?
Early on in my teaching career, I had a student that was "handicapped". In that I teach field courses with some rigorous physical activities, early in the semester I pulled him aside.
"I see that you have issues with your arm. You look very capable. I just want to let you know that if you are ever asked to do something that is difficult or challenging - just give me a nod, and I will understand. Do you have any specific limitations that I should know about?"
"Nope. I'll be fine."
Boy, was he ever serious. This one-handed boy toted canoes, paddled canoes, pulled nets, went through samples, shoveled, and did everything everyone else did - plus some. What a great kid. This kid hadn't accomplished a lot despite his disability - his disability gave him the fire to accomplish whatever he wanted to. How did he do it? I couldn't even tell you... I saw the kid tote a canoe and paddle it, and I am still not sure how one paddles one-handed. He's an accomplished fisherman too!
High school football? Sure - he played until his father didnt' allow him to - after his good arm was shattered in a particularly rough tackle. I knew him after he'd recovered from his football injury. This kid was a perfectly normal, if motivated, bright, and active young man.
No one ever told this kid what he couldn't do - so, he found a way to do whatever was thrown his way.
If we are defined by our actions rather than our words or our shortcomings... we need to take whichever issues life throws at us, however big or small, and succeed however it takes and however we define it.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
What we do when there are no screens to watch.
We have loads of fun:
Why do they seem to miss the screens so much - it is so much fun without them?
We bounce:
We fish:
We learn:
We explore and find stuff:
We laugh:
Why do they seem to miss the screens so much - it is so much fun without them?
Mothering Philosophy
I was reading about a homeschooling writing curriculum and encountered the writer's mission statement about parenting. It occurs to me that I write, revise, consider, and reflect on my "Teaching Philosophy" at least annually. But, I have never put together a statement of my goals, objectives, methodology, and philosophy of parenting. It that important? I find revisiting my teaching philosophy helps me re-focus my efforts and teach in accordance with my stated goals.
Maybe I should, from time-to-time, revisit my parenting philosophy to re-center myself as a parent?
Here is myfirst second run... it will change... again .
---
My primary goal in parenting is to produce contributing members of society. To meet this goal, the children need to have a strong work ethic, be honest, be compassionate to others and their environment, demonstrate good decision-making and critical thinking skills, have rich intellectual lives, develop positive social skills, and maintain healthy lifestyles.
We meet these goals by both modeling good behavior and by giving them opportunities to develop the habits and skills to make wise choices and develop broad interests. We are loving parents and try to show our love both outwardly and in our words and actions. We provide a nurturing environment, but not at the cost of expecting the children to behave in a caring and compassionate manner toward others and toward their environment. Respecting other people and the natural environment comes with experiencing both and learning to reflect on others' perceptions of the world around them. Exposure to different habitats, organisms, environments, and cultures and reflections on these is part of our conscious experience.
Both of us work outside of the home and regularly share facets of how we strive for excellence in our work and in completing work around the home. We expect them to participate in home maintenance in age-appropriate ways and expect them to contribute, where possible, to our home environment. We communicate with one another respectfully and we share tasks and responsibilities. We are honest with one another and act as a team in our choices, expenses, and rewards.
Both of us are educated and continue to demonstrate our love of learning both in our professional disciplines and in a broad range of other areas as exemplified by our reading choices, asking questions of others, visiting museums and other cultural events. The children are encouraged to participate at age-appropriate events and levels in all disciplines. We encourage reading, model reading of fiction, non-fiction, and news-media and include reading aloud with the children as a part of our daily lives. We also pursue intellectual growth and development in engineering (for example, our participation in Lego League), the arts, and the humanities.
We try to give them age-appropriate opportunities to make their own choices and carry responsibilities. These include encouragint them to own and handle tools, cook, to participate in water sports and outdoor activities independently, solo exploration, and time alone to pursue their interests. In this way, they can develop problem-solving abilities and learn when to seek help and how to do so.
We model healthy choices in our day-to-day lives. We eat conscious of the impact our choices have on our bodies and our environment. We are active in organized sports, fitness activities, and outdoor exploration. We maintain regular schedules for sleep. We maintain a household that both leaves room for ongoing exploration and examination of living things (pets and so on), as well as is relatively tidy and organized.
---
Just in reading this first try - I reflect on things that I do that do not reflect my philosophy as stated (e.g. I shout - sometimes a lot). As expected, deliberately examining my parenting philosophy suggests areas where I wish to improve how I exemplify what I wish to see in them.
Truthfully, though, I am in the classroom for 12 hours a week - all hours for which I am caffeinated and "on". My parenting time isn't always the "best of the best". It will be much harder to live this all of the time than it is to meet my goals in the classroom. My kids get both my best (most "on", most loving, most patient, most interested)... but, they also get my worst (most overtired, most overwrought, most hurried). I get their best and worst as well.
Maybe I should, from time-to-time, revisit my parenting philosophy to re-center myself as a parent?
Here is my
---
My primary goal in parenting is to produce contributing members of society. To meet this goal, the children need to have a strong work ethic, be honest, be compassionate to others and their environment, demonstrate good decision-making and critical thinking skills, have rich intellectual lives, develop positive social skills, and maintain healthy lifestyles.
We meet these goals by both modeling good behavior and by giving them opportunities to develop the habits and skills to make wise choices and develop broad interests. We are loving parents and try to show our love both outwardly and in our words and actions. We provide a nurturing environment, but not at the cost of expecting the children to behave in a caring and compassionate manner toward others and toward their environment. Respecting other people and the natural environment comes with experiencing both and learning to reflect on others' perceptions of the world around them. Exposure to different habitats, organisms, environments, and cultures and reflections on these is part of our conscious experience.
Both of us work outside of the home and regularly share facets of how we strive for excellence in our work and in completing work around the home. We expect them to participate in home maintenance in age-appropriate ways and expect them to contribute, where possible, to our home environment. We communicate with one another respectfully and we share tasks and responsibilities. We are honest with one another and act as a team in our choices, expenses, and rewards.
Both of us are educated and continue to demonstrate our love of learning both in our professional disciplines and in a broad range of other areas as exemplified by our reading choices, asking questions of others, visiting museums and other cultural events. The children are encouraged to participate at age-appropriate events and levels in all disciplines. We encourage reading, model reading of fiction, non-fiction, and news-media and include reading aloud with the children as a part of our daily lives. We also pursue intellectual growth and development in engineering (for example, our participation in Lego League), the arts, and the humanities.
We try to give them age-appropriate opportunities to make their own choices and carry responsibilities. These include encouragint them to own and handle tools, cook, to participate in water sports and outdoor activities independently, solo exploration, and time alone to pursue their interests. In this way, they can develop problem-solving abilities and learn when to seek help and how to do so.
We model healthy choices in our day-to-day lives. We eat conscious of the impact our choices have on our bodies and our environment. We are active in organized sports, fitness activities, and outdoor exploration. We maintain regular schedules for sleep. We maintain a household that both leaves room for ongoing exploration and examination of living things (pets and so on), as well as is relatively tidy and organized.
---
Just in reading this first try - I reflect on things that I do that do not reflect my philosophy as stated (e.g. I shout - sometimes a lot). As expected, deliberately examining my parenting philosophy suggests areas where I wish to improve how I exemplify what I wish to see in them.
Truthfully, though, I am in the classroom for 12 hours a week - all hours for which I am caffeinated and "on". My parenting time isn't always the "best of the best". It will be much harder to live this all of the time than it is to meet my goals in the classroom. My kids get both my best (most "on", most loving, most patient, most interested)... but, they also get my worst (most overtired, most overwrought, most hurried). I get their best and worst as well.
Early onset dementia...
So, I'm reading a work email on my iPhone and I realize that I'd better call someone to look into this problem. So, while carrying around this email and musing on its implications, I walk around my house looking for (you guessed it) - my iPhone.
Just me?
Um, maybe you should look in your hand?!
Just me?
Um, maybe you should look in your hand?!
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