Top Ten things that make me rant.

1. Any of the purported alternatives to evolutionary biology
2. Birth in America
3. Education
4. The size of our ecological footprint
5. Conservation
6. People that consider breastfeeding icky (or any other silly variant, that's why they're there folks).
7. Politics
8. Bad Music
9. Needless killing (people and other organisms)
10. The Sad State of My Body at the moment (sad, but true)

Does anything make you rant?

Do tell!

So, who asked?

My piece of completely unsolicited advice for the day? We are talking marriage, people.

Not how to keep one going... just how to choose wisely.

Don't we all know the couple that is unhappy because - their spouses are exactly the same as the day they married them?

I tell my kids, when doling out snacks, Popsicles, or (well, anything really): "you get what you get, and you don't pitch a fit". I didn't coin the expression, the daycare did. We got lots of great gems there (including, for the record: "walk away", "that is not your work", and "that is not a safe choice").

In marriage, however, you do get to make a choice... a monumentally important, life-changing, happiness-defining choice. Do it wisely.

By wisely, I mean, don't choose someone because they have great potential. That is, if they changed this, or that, they would be perfect. You are making a Eiffel Tower-sized error if you think that you will be able to pick and choose which traits your spouse should keep. Besides, your spouse is just as perfect as you are.

I know a handful of couples at this very moment where one (or more likely both) spouse is unhappy because their spouse didn't change in the way they had planned. You get what you pay for, nothing more (sad to say).

One couple: the guy lied a bit when he said he would be OK with one child, he really didn't want any... thought he could put her off until it was too late. She lied a little when she said she'd be OK with just one. Yup, they have had major struggles.

Another couple: She said she'd be OK with his continuing most of his "guy" activities (being mostly a widow while he dashes about running, hashing, and hanging out with the guys). He said he'd want to spend a bit more time with her and back off a bit on the guy time. Struggling, as we speak (well, as I pontificate... and almost no one reads my ponderous crap).

I made this mistake the first time around. I thought... he's young... he'll grow up. Nope. Another case of arrested development.

This time around. My husband isn't perfect and neither am I. I knew that I married a frugal man that doesn't like (to give or receive) surprises, speaks as he thinks, and is organized to the edge of OCD. He knew and still married a woman that will never be organized, forgets anniversaries (we got married on New Year's Day, and I've still mucked it up!) and birthdays (his, last year... oops), and misplaces everything. He likes technical literature, I am a bookworm. But, it all works out... because we accepted our respective idiosyncrasies. I love dogs (and have a pain-in-the-ass golden retriever) and he thinks that dogs are outside toys.

I did know that I married: a phenomenal listener, a man with inhuman patience, a caring individual, a man that needs space and time to organize his thoughts (damn, the man takes a long time paying our bills - but, he balances his checkbook to the penny). I didn't even guess then that he would be the most awesome dad ever (knew he'd be good, but didn't know the extent). Even if he'll never really surprise me (I don't love surprises either), won't say things just to be nice, thinks spending money on frills (like curtains) is excessive, and sleeps through anything - I love him to death.

Maybe he will (maybe he won't) get a card from me on New Years' Day this year... but, he knows I love him.

You get exactly what you marry (sometimes more, but you don't get to choose which parts).

B, a man.

B and I had this long discussion in the car yesterday. T turned two earlier this week, so B wanted to know what he is now.

That is, T used to be a baby.

Then, he got mobile, started walking and messing with everyone's stuff, so we called him a toddler.

B wants to know what he is now. Well, he used to be a baby. (yup). Now he is a toddler (no, he was a toddler when he was one). Yeah, he still is a toddler (no, he was that last year). He still is.

You see, you start as a baby. Then you start toddling and you are a toddler. Then, you turn into a little boy. Then you are a big boy. Then you grow into a man. (that takes 21 days, says B - B has an unusual sense of time)

No, not 21 days. (how long then?).

Good question.

I have been struggling with this lately. Someone close to me (we'll call him H), is turning fifty. Isn't that a man?

Except, this very dear person hasn't ever really grown up. There is no sense of ownership and responsibility. H has never kept a long-term job ("the bastards fired me, for no reason", H is always gobsmacked when fired). H has never learned that sometimes even if you yacked during the night (or your pillow wasn't soft enough), you have to go to work. H has never learned that it is fair for a company to expect payment for services (even if the company is wealthy, or the salesperson was an asshole). It is not unfair that people have nicer things than you, it is because they have worked hard (and reliably) and saved. Even if they were just lucky and have wealthy parents (even if it they are complete shitheads), it isn't unfair, it is life - get over it and worry about yourself. H has never learned that you should focus your personal relationships on people that treat you with respect and love, rather than those that shit on you and lie. H has never learned (even with people that he loves and that love him back) to follow through; show up when you say you will and be there when people need you. Even though H is important in my life, I avoid making plans with H, because I can count on him either being late (best case scenario) or calling with a last minute (usually fabricated and transparently so) excuse.

So, when does a boy become a man? Some people never do.

I sure hope that I live to see all of my boys become men.

Everyone deserves a second chance.

In light of our being a gentle nation, and one that wishes to support the growth and development of our young people; we tend to believe that everyone deserves a second chance.

If we make a mistake, shouldn't we be offered an opportunity to use this to grow as a better person? Certainly, I would like for my children to have an opportunity to make mistakes and learn from the experience.

How can we learn from our mistakes? By having natural consequences stem from them.

-My son temporarily loses a toy that he fights over.

-My students lose points on an assignment if they are late handing it in. If they are too late, they get no credit on that assignment (one week is too late).

Punishment (to be effective) has to be swift, important to the recipient, and should be related to the offense.

Is there some point, however, that we need to hold someone fully accountable for their actions? Don't we just need to be able to count on purported adults to demonstrate adult behavior?

Michael Vick knowingly tortured puppies in the spirit of fun and profit. There are political action groups (and his mother) that plead with us for him to learn from this experience and give him a second chance. Is there not some line that we have to make in the sand - beyond this, your behavior is not a childlike transgression - this is real grown up crime, and your punishment will be grown up too?

Michael Vick is in his late-20s. Should we not expect adult behavior from this man?

While I agree that some transgressions should warrant second chances (and, I am certain that we would disagree on some of these); killing puppies in an organized dog-fighting ring is not a momentary lack of judgement. Michael Vick has accepted responsibility for these actions, it is time for us to hold him accountable and punish him in a means consistent with similar offenders.