My desk.

The desk at my office.

Yuck. Right now it is covered with about 30 research papers (all waiting to be carefully read, commented on, and assigned a grade), about a zillion laboratory assignments (why did I have them write so danged much?), and a bunch of books and paperwork that needs attention.

But. More interestingly, I have some really weird random stuff inside my desk. Including:

• chewing gum
• a plastic baggie full of prenatal vitamins (no longer needed)
• a plastic baggie full of advil (greatly needed)
• sudafed and claritin
• playdough
• dice
• playing cards
• magic markers
• a plastic turtle
• plastic frogs
• about 30 inter-office envelopes
• some candy wrappers
• single-serving tunafish containers
• some single-serving fig newtons
• calcium/vitamin D pills
• dozens of old CD-ROMs that go with text books
• backup data in formats I can no longer open
• insect pins
• photographs of my first year teaching
• spare socks
• feminine products

and about a dozen pairs of forceps (left over from a lab, but really - WTF?)

One

Today is the day of the brain fog. Trying to find a story that would magically tell itself did not happen.

You.Can.Only.Type.One.Word.

Not as easy as you might think.Remember: one word answers.
1.Where is your mobile phone? bag
2.Your significant other? bed
3.Your hair? flat
4.Your mother? gone

5.Your father? dear
6.Your favorite thing? one?
7.Your dream last night? stressful
8.Your favorite drink? beer
9.Your dream/goal? moving
10.The room you’re in? bright
11.Your ex? Pennsylvania
12.Your fear? loss
13.Where do you want to be in 6 years? here
14.Where were you last night? bed
15.What you’re not? perky
16.Muffins? uh-uh
17.One of your wish list items? fitness
18.Where you grew up? Connecticut
19.The last thing you did? grade
20.What are you wearing? crocs
21.Your TV? flat
22.Your pets? unruly
23.Your computer? slow
24.Your life? satisfied
25.Your mood? sleepy
26.Missing someone? Mom
27.Your car? minivan
28.Something you’re not wearing? socks
29.Favorite Store? grocery
30.Your summer? travelling
31.Like someone? lots
32.Your favorite color? blue
33.When is the last time you laughed? earlier
34.Last time you cried? heartfelt

Wolf cubs.

We went to Great Wolf Lodge this past weekend. This is because, as a college professor, there is no easier time than a week or so before the end of semester to really kick back and relax. Good things there aren't any papers to grade or theses to read... oh, yeah, nevermind.

Anyway, despite the mound of papers that I've been successfully ignoring for eons... we had a fabulous time.

What always strikes me, though, is how darned different our three boys are.

J took the two big boys around first, while I played with the little guy.

T, the little guy, wanted to be with his daddy... but, he was ok to hang out with second best. He loved playing in the splashing areas, getting wet, and adored pushing a tube around in the wave pool (even if he did get a bit irate when the waves started).

B (who is otherwise rugged and unstoppable) showed his colors, he is boisterous but not overly adventurous. He was tentative about new experiences there and wanted to hold hands and not be surprised. Of course, it didn't help that the first thing he did at the park with J was... go down the Howlin Tornado (eeep).

Z would try anything. He didn't ask to do the Howlin Tornado a second time, but he jumped onto the surfboard without reservation (and knocked out and swallowed a tooth on it - it was ok, we'd been waiting for it to fall). His only problem - we couldn't keep up with him. He was off like an arrow in every direction. He also went through one of the tunnels that you are supposed to ride a tube - without the tube. What a wild man.

Frustration.

In short:

My son is frustrated in school.

His teacher is frustrated with him

We are frustrated with the teacher.

Our son also frustrates us. (We probably frustrate him too).

--
The longer version:

Z has a difficult time getting his work done at school. He is a class I, top-level procrastinator that has a difficult time staying on t...

(what was I doing?).

Oh, so I know where he gets it.

It doesn't make it less frustrating.

Z's first-grade teacher has been doing the good fight all year. She is pregnant and tired. And, she is getting frustrated with trying to prod him into action. And, it shows... to us and to him.

We are frustrated because... he is reading three grades over level, he is doing math and science over his level and we know that some of the issues have to do with abject boredom. The rest of it is that Z is really hard to prod into action.

So, I have a first grader that literally walks around with his head in his book. We catch ourselves saying things like "put the book down and eat". Until last week, he was nearly on the bottom of his class for accelerated reading (the AR program).

On the flip side, although the teacher knew all year that Z was reading tons at home, she never pointed out that he could get AR points for this home stuff. We were under the impression he could only do that at school. When I reminded her that we aren't concerned if he sometimes doesn't finish reading his sentences with his book buddy... uh, because he just finished the first five Harry Potter books and the first 12 Lemony Snicket books at home - she said... "Oh, now that I think of it, some of those might be worth AR".

So, in three days, Z has gone from near the bottom of his class with seven points to somewhere upward of 65 AR points. This leaves me both happy for my boy... and, frustrated because he has read over 250 AR points worth of books this year, but may not remember all of them well enough to get the recognition because we didn't know until now.

Also frustrating, teacher isn't posting his points as he is earning them... so, he isn't "feeling the love" that is earning 44 points in one morning (Order of the Phoenix) - he deserves to get the recognition.

AAARGH.

So, what's eating you today?

Sibling Rivalry

I was discussing breastfeeding the other day with a friend of mine and a vignette from early on came back to me.

T breastfed a lot longer than I had thought I wanted to nurse my babies. He just got so much comfort and calming from nursing... it made such nice mom/baby time, so I let him go on. Then, I got pregnant and I figured he'd wean when I stopped producing milk. He slowed down a lot. Then, when I completely stopped producing, he switched to a token little nurse at bedtime, so I thought he'd wean any day. Then, I was due in a few weeks and he still hadn't stopped. I figured that I couldn't wean him then start feeding his baby brother in a few weeks - talk about creating sibling rivalry.

I had a pretty bad hospital experience delivering T, so because of that and a number of other things, we decided to homebirth B. I found this terrific midwife and all that. Anyway, T was only about 2 and 1/2 and I didn't know where he'd end up during the birth, so I wanted him to be ready. We talked a lot about baby and all.

To prepare for the birth, I showed him lots of lovely photos from Birthdiaries.com. They are really beautiful and graphic enough for him to understand what he might expect. "look, T, you can see the baby's head" T really soaked up the photos, he found them fascinating.

"Ooooh, and look, there is more of the baby's head"

"See how that mommy is shouting, it is ok if mommy shouts".

"And, look, there's the rest of the baby"

"See how the mommy hugs her new baby?"

"And, look, she is nursing the new baby... the baby likes its mommy's milk".

At this time, T stopped... looked at me... raised my shirt, pointed at my breast and stated "MINE".

Oh, and in the end... T slept through his brother's arrival. He came down in the middle of the night and met his baby brother. And, he did share his mommy.

In the end, I let T nurse at bedtime until I weaned B - they weaned simultaneously.

One of those days.

Nothing precipitous.

Just, every once in a while (particularly this time of year) when I'm a bit behind in grading papers and so on... I have labs to plan that aren't yet pulled together, my house is a mess, my kids get grumpy, my publication status isn't where I feel it should be... I really feel like I am not doing what needs doing.

There just doesn't feel like there is enough of me to go around.

I am trying to be committed to get back into shape for my mental and physical health, so I can play soccer with my boys and feel better and work more efficiently and it does help during the work day while I am there. It also means that I've been committed to work out during my work day. Which means that I take work home with me most nights. Some of which doesn't get done. This is especially true about the stuff with less tangible deadlines (committee responsibilities and publishing my own research).

I get to feeling like some women make it work... have friends and a life, fitness, are successful moms and successful at work... and I just can't figure it out. I honestly find time to actually socialize almost never and some of that is just my being a bit introverted and a lot of it is... when would I actually do that stuff?

Is it an illusion that other moms have it figured or am I screwing up somewhere noticeable?

The bane of my existence.

I have always said said for the last seven years, that kids' socks are the bane of my existence.

I didn't realize how much worse it could get.

Three days ago, with one load in the washer and a new load in the dryer, the dryer gave its last little puff of heat. It took several days to hang out the wet stuff. Now, we are just watching the mountain grow.

I could have ordered the Whirlpool Duet Steam washer and its mate yesterday... but, I just couldn't drop $3K without J's consent... not that he cares which washer we buy... I just hate spending money. Besides the earliest delivery date from Sears would have been the 29th.

So tomorrow morning, we'll peruse Best Buy, Home Depot, and Lowes to pick our newest combination. After which, we'll go home and take the cabinets off the wall for the new set. Then, I'll cry.

Because, all we'll have to do then is paint the laundry room, rehang the cabinets about 15" higher, and wait some period of time for the new stuff while socks, underpants, peed in clothes and the like pile up around the house.

After we spend $3K - these things do wash, dry, fold, sort socks, and put away the clothes, right?

If you have one, are you happy? (not with life overall, but, just with the darned washer and dryer)