Saturday, February 23, 2008

One of those days.

Nothing precipitous.

Just, every once in a while (particularly this time of year) when I'm a bit behind in grading papers and so on... I have labs to plan that aren't yet pulled together, my house is a mess, my kids get grumpy, my publication status isn't where I feel it should be... I really feel like I am not doing what needs doing.

There just doesn't feel like there is enough of me to go around.

I am trying to be committed to get back into shape for my mental and physical health, so I can play soccer with my boys and feel better and work more efficiently and it does help during the work day while I am there. It also means that I've been committed to work out during my work day. Which means that I take work home with me most nights. Some of which doesn't get done. This is especially true about the stuff with less tangible deadlines (committee responsibilities and publishing my own research).

I get to feeling like some women make it work... have friends and a life, fitness, are successful moms and successful at work... and I just can't figure it out. I honestly find time to actually socialize almost never and some of that is just my being a bit introverted and a lot of it is... when would I actually do that stuff?

Is it an illusion that other moms have it figured or am I screwing up somewhere noticeable?


richgold said...

OMG - I'm facing the same types of questions. I think other women just don't. Don't do house work, or don't clean the clothes, or don't attend to the children, or don't attend to their marriage, or don't have a social life.

We got the use of a house keeper (3 hours) for four whole weeks, as a gift from The Mothership, while she's in Florida. It's marvelous and frees up some of my time.

Just assured, those who aim to do more don't. ;-)

ElleTeeJay said...

K, I don't think those women who really "do it all" actually exist. If they do exist, I'm convinced they are aliens.

I am doing everything in my power to debunk the myth of the "Super Mom." It is an illusion that doesn't do us real, live full-time working moms any justice.

richgold has it completely right. You do what you can...what you have time for. It's all a matter of priorities and choices and being okay with the choices we make.

Right now, getting to the gym and making sure my kids get some attention after a long day at work is much more important than getting the laundry done.

Having 45 minutes to sit with my feet up after the girls go to bed, a glass of wine in one hand and a book (or TV remote) in the other, is much more important to me than talking to a friend on the phone for the same period of time.

Choosing fitness and "me-time" as priorities has left me with a messy house and friends who are a little more distant than they used to be, but this is what I need right now.

I'm not saying it's easy and I'm not saying I've been entirely successful, but this type-A perfectionist is working hard at lowering her own expectations and giving herself a break.

There will never be enough time to do everything that needs can only do what you can do.