Thursday, December 20, 2007

I'll just sit this one out.

When women get together as a group, they sometimes play a little game. I'll call it "mine is more clueless than yours". It is remarkably similar to a game we all played when we were teenagers, but then it was "Mine are so square".

For some reason, this game is pretty popular with some of the women I drink hang out with.

Here is how one round goes.

"When I went on vacation, I had to leave a list of the food we had and how he might cook it".

"When I left, I had to find someone else to do my daughter's hair. He couldn't figure out how to make a proper ponytail."

"Oh yeah, when I left, I had to lay out his clothes for the week, so he'd wear clean clothing".

"When I left, I had to make individual meals and heating instructions so he'd be able to eat."

"My husband is soooo clueless"

(How clueless is he?)

"I have to remind him to feed the kids their lunch". As an aside, the husband of a close friend of mine actually does win with this entry... mind boggling - isn't it?

Round One goes to mom whose husband doesn't remember that children eat.

The thing is, I've got nothing. I sit out each and every round of this game.

You see, my dh (J) is anal retentive ultra-organized.

When we first moved in together, I tried to do J a favor and do his wash. Since then, he doesn't let me touch his clothes because I don't fold things right.

The man keeps a cleaner and tidier house than I do. His desk has the pencils lined up like an OCD poster boy neatly organized. He knows when I have been in his drawers, office, or cabinets because things aren't still exactly lined up as he had left it.

In our family... I am the one that forgets anniversaries (and, we were married on New Year's Day for crissakes). I forget birthdays (J's two years ago). I have clothing strewn about (not always, but more often than I like to admit).

He didn't faint at the birth of our children - he caught one of them and held me while I gave birth to another one. He watched my c-section and held my hand. He changes diapers, gets the kids breakfast, understands the baby better than I do, and did everything for the little ones but breastfeed or give birth.

We are a team, we both play to our strengths and parent as a team. He is best at being calm no matter what, coping with vomit, letting the kids play dangerous games, and playing ball in the house. I am best at shrieking shrilly, losing my temper, signing us up for activities, and buying stuff.

So, in the clueless hubbie game - I sit, forlorn, losing, unable to contribute.

I wonder if this is how Scarlet Page (Jimmy's daughter) felt when her friends played the square father game. I can just see it now...

My folks are so square:

"My parents are so square they won't even let me go to a concert yet ".

"Oh yeah, my father is so square, he won't even let me listen to rock music".

"Geez, my dad is so square... he thought I tried marijuana, so he looked at my arms for track-marks".

Scarlet sat there, forlorn... unable to contribute to the game.

Scarlet, I feel your pain. I got to play the "square" game, but I am flat-out of the clueless husband game.

Do you get to play a game?

1 comment:

richgold said...

Wanna borrow mine? Or maybe you could ask my Mom to borrow Dad ... ;-)